Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Man Behind The Curtain

I'm me, and I know what I'm doing.

I think there's a reason I prefer to stay behind the lens, and it has more to do with my desire to capture the beauty I see than my desire to hide my imperfections or remain anonymous.  Sexual photography is a subjective art-form to say the least, and I think the people who upload their faces to the internet generally fall into three broad categories: they're either immensely proud of what their face is attached to, they're oblivious to the harmful potential a picture can incur, or they just don't care.

I've met all three since I became active in the world of online erotica, and those last two kinds of people scare the hell out of me.  I'm not out to frighten anyone, but there's a component of real-world danger within mass communications that gets ignored by so many people that it makes me wonder if they even lock their doors at night.  A digital  broadcast doesn't care where it ends up, and streaming data doesn't have a pass filter--once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't put it back.  Even if you delete the post, someone has it saved to a hard drive somewhere.

But maybe that's the point: maybe we're all trying to stretch that five minutes of fame into an eternity online.  Immortality does have  a certain ring to it, right?  If you can't be famous, be infamous, isn't that how the saying goes?  

Fetlife isn't Facebook.  I don't remember how many times I've said that to people in the last twelve months.  It's usually tucked between the words 'don't act stupid' and 'watch your ass'.  The rules of conduct change when sex enters the social-media mix.  The friendliest guy puts his avatar out in front of him and suddenly he becomes The_DOMinator.  That quiet lady who sits in the back of church?  She logs in after the kids are in bed and becomes ARealPrinzess.  The digital veil lets all the monsters out to play and suddenly what you did last weekend at the lake takes on a whole new level of scrutiny by people you wouldn't want walking your dog.

Life can hit you between the eyes like a ten-ton hammer if you let it.

I'm not a risk-taker, never have been.  When I walk out my front door, I'm an accountant trapped in a librarian's mind.  To the people in the real world, I'm boring as hell, and I intend to keep it that way.      


  1. While it's wonderful to see you, I can understand your need for the veil and for caution. Even though I've been pushing my own boundaries of late with my own photographs, my reserve in regard to my real life will always be firmly intact - it keeps me safe (and if it occasionally peeves people then so be it).

    Personally, I think the work is paramount - it tells me everything I want and need to know.

  2. Well stated. Best to live behind the curtain rather than in front of it when it comes to online sex writing and photography. Unless you're making your name in pornography, if you have a day job and a life to protect, it's best to stick with anonymity.

  3. I prefer to be anonymous as well, but sometimes I peek through and always wonder if it is too much. (always feel free to chime in and say TOO MUCH - please and thank you)

    It is sometimes difficult to alter photos - because cropping an eye or a smile or a look - changes the photo completely.

    Sometimes I wish I was braver and sometimes I think I'm too brave. I remove and delete and crop and uncrop all the time . . . it annoys me that I do this - and I reckon it annoys others as well.

  4. Thanks Cheeky Minx, I often try to let my work stand on it's own but it's hard to just stand back and watch sometimes.

    Brigit, I couldn't agree more.

    Ella, I love to edit my pictures. Other people's pictures too for that matter. The ease of computer editing has made it a lot of fun and opens the door for people like me who like to create art who just aren't artists 24/7.

    And as for walking the tightrope of what is too much and not enough? I think every blogger with a content warning knows your pain...and yet, somehow, we keep coming back for more.

  5. I think that anonymity is the one key to my freedom of expression. If my family / friends knew that I work as a PSO, and that I write about non-vanilla encounters of the sexual variety, I'd have a lot of problems. They'd organize interventions. Some would send an exorcist to rid me of the evil spirit surely existing inside me. Some would cross the street to avoid me, clutching the hands of their children and averting their stares. As it is, they believe I'm just a shy woman who doesn't get out much. I've done so much photoshopping with the photo I use that I wouldn't recognize myself.

    I very much enjoy your blog, and your wit.


Feedback is always welcome.